Blech... Yuck... Eww

Oh my God! This is so horrible! Mom and Dad got this bitter apple spray to put on stuff to get Harley to quit chewing everything in sight. Well, they sprayed some on my collar since she is constantly taking it off of me. Not only did it not prevent her from taking my collar, it got on my fur. Oh Lord, it's horrible, it's awful. This coming from a guy who licks his own butt! I can't get the taste out of my mouth... I've tried spitting, I've tried airing off my tongue... nothing works! I'm going to go find some mouthwash, maybe that will work.

Trivial Stuff

Mom and Dad have been home this week on vacation and we've been playing a lot of board games together. I especially like Trivial Pursuit 80s edition. The game is ok, the thing I really like is the Care Bear gamepiece... I always get to be the Care Bear. I always give it a kiss on the head before the game for good luck. I do pretty good at the TV questions since I watch a lot of TV Land and Nick at Nite at home. Music and Movies is a little more difficult for me. I have a lot of difficulty when it's my turn to read the history questions... all those names are so hard! I think I'm going to start watching ESPN Classic channel... that will help me with the sports questions so maybe I'll be able to win once in a while.

Christmas

I had a great Christmas. I spent the days before Christmas saving Mom's Christmas presents from her. I would lie under the tree and bat away her hand if she reached for a present. She didn't seem to mind too much but a few times I scratched her a bit too hard.

I got a lot of great presents for Christmas. My favorite is a polar fleece strip on a string that makes bird sounds when the wand is moved. It's great fun. Mom has been really good about playing with me. I also got some new catnip that was really good stuff.

I got Harley a new collar for Christmas. Dad did my shopping for me. I told him to get me a shock collar but he wound up buying a regular collar... but it's nice looking. I ordered a custom made tag for her too. It's bone shaped and says Harley The Magnificent on it... I did it sarcastically but she took it to heart and thinks that I'm just wonderful. She got me a new catnip scratch pad that hangs on a door knob.... I like it a lot.

Letters to Santa

I decided to send a letter to Santa today since I rethought what I really want for Christmas. I know he gets a ton of fan mail so I decided to draw a picture around my letter to make it more attractive so that maybe Santa would be sure to see it. I was feeling pretty good and in the Christmas spirit so I decided to help Harley write a letter too... I can't believe what she wrote... stupid dog!

In case the pictures aren't clear, here is my letter:
Dear Santa,
Here I am setting by my christmas tree. I have not climbed the tree yet. I have been a very good kitty this year. If it's not too much trouble I would like to receive the Lox'x club of the month as a gift. Love, Cosmo

Here's the stupid dog's letter:
Dear Santa,
Whatever Cosmo said I did, I promise it was not me, I was not there. I have been a wonderful puppy full of puppy energy. All I want for Christmas is a bed, maybe some chewys, oooh I know Three Dog Bakery, one of everything. After all I am worth it. Love and kisses.
Harley
P.S. Cosmo is a stinky cat.

So much for my Christmas spirit!

New Collars!!!

Mom has a friend who makes jewelry and she was at our house this weekend so people could come and see what she does. All those pretty rocks and strings I just had to check out. I wanted to buy a new collar to send to Slutty Girl Cat Two Doors Down so she'd know I hadn't forgotten her but Dad said I didn't have enough money. Oh well... I did have fun looking at the collars... and Tina was a really nice lady.

Tis The Season

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Mom says that Santa is always watching so I'm trying extra hard to be a good boy and be tolerant of Harley. I've been letting her nap on the bed with me.... which isn't so bad except for the fact that she slobbers! YUCK! I've also enlisted her help in watching under the tree. I've noticed that there are a lot of wrapped presents in the guest room but none under the tree... probably because Mom knows that Harley will eat them if they are under the tree... what's worse is Mom hasn't labeled any of them so I don't know which ones I need to accidentally extend my claws on.

Twas The Night Before Catmas

We went to see Santa today. He was the same jolly old guy I remember from last year. I know it's better to give than to receive so I decided that possibly if I asked him for something for someone else maybe he would do it.... so I asked him to find Harley a new home! HA! He said no, I'd probably miss her if he took her. So I asked him to bring me a shock collar for her -- "Dance dog! Dance!" Anyway, I digress from the original reason for this post. I was at Barnes and Noble the other day checking out the new Cat calendars... my cousin Octavio is Mr. June in the Classic Cats calendar... anyway, I found a book I just had to have... The Night Before Cat-Mas by Virginia Unser, so I thought I'd share it here. Mom reads this to me at night before I go to sleep.

The Night Before Cat-Mas
by Virginia Unser

Twas the night before Cat-mas when all through the house
not a kitten was stirring nor chasing a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
in hopes that St. Kittyclaws
soon would be there.
The kittens were nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of catnip danced in their heads.
Ma Tab with her whiskers and I in my cap
had just settled down for a winter's catnap.
When outside the house, came such a noise and such strife
so startled was I that I used up a life!
I jumped to the window and gave a small "mew"
I perched in the moonlight enjoying the view.
The sight of the snowdrifts so cold and so white,
made me purrfectly glad to be indoors tonight.
When, what to my wondering eyes did appear,
but a feline sized sleigh and eight tiny cat-deer.
With a little old driver so lively and fit,
I new in a moment he must be St. Kit.
So quickly they flew and with such grace they came!
Then Kittyclaws smiled and mewed out their names:
"Now Felix! Now Patches! Now, Mittens and Muffy!
On, Twinkle! On, Whiskers! On, Tiger and Fluffy!
Don't wake up the collie! Watch out for the wall!
Go on past the mailbox! And try not to fall!"
As kittens will punce on a fat ball of string,
tails all-a-tumbling, ready to spring.
So up to the door frame the felines all flew,
with a sleigh full of toys, and St. Kittyclaws too.
And then in a twinkling I heard by the door
The scratching and pawing of each little claw.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Kittyclaws came thoght the door with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur from his head to his feet
and his whiskers were sprinkled with flurries and sleet.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back
and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes - how they twinkled! His whiskers - so merry!
His tail was so fluffy, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
and the fur on his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a round little belly
that shook when he purred like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old cat,
and I laughed when I saw him looking like that.
A wink of his eye and a flick of his tail;
I knew our stockings would bulge without fail.
He made not a sound; he was silent and swift.
Each of the kittens was given a gift.
He washed his paws quickly, and, twitching his nose,
he gave me a nod up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh, and "meow"ed to the team.
They all flew away in the moonlight's soft gleam.
But I heard him meow ere he drove out of sight -
"Merry Cat-Mas to all, and to all a good night!"